


You keep on coming back, I keep letting you in

by melissmallfic



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Breakup Fic, M/M, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 22:24:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3586230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melissmallfic/pseuds/melissmallfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey could tell Ian was saying goodbye. They’d said goodbye before after all, but never like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You keep on coming back, I keep letting you in

The last time they had sex, Mickey could tell Ian was saying goodbye. There was something in his eyes as he held Mickey’s gaze. Ian was holding himself up over Mickey in Ian’s too-small, childhood bed, thrusting into him so slowly. Mickey had no control over the soft grunts and moans he was making, no choice in how his body reacted. But most of all he was hypnotized by that look in Ian’s eyes. They’d said goodbye before after all, but never this tenderly.

Afterwards, Mickey kept trying and failing to get Ian to look at him. Ian kept his chin on top of Mickey’s head or his face pressed against Mickey’s neck. Mickey settled for threading their fingers together and squeezing hard enough to hurt. Ian squeezed back and Mickey felt the wetness of tears on his neck, sliding back and wetting his hair.

They stayed curled around each other for a while, not talking, just breathing. Mickey could tell Ian was crying off and on, but Mickey’s eyes were dry and he didn’t say anything. He just held Ian a little tighter when it happened, let him get through it on his own. 

Finally, Ian seemed to have settled on something in his head. He pulled back and his eyes were so steady and clear when they looked into Mickey’s. That was the first moment that night that Mickey felt his own eyes water. But he swallowed and willed the tears back.

“Mick,” Ian said quietly, bringing his hand up to the side of Mickey’s face. He brushed his thumb against Mickey’s hair, his fingers wrapping around the back of Mickey’s head.

“Yeah,” he said back, his voice rough. He brought his own hand up to Ian’s, held Ian’s wrist.

Part of him wanted Ian to lose his nerve. But more of him didn’t. He was sick of watching Ian walk on unsteady ground. 

“I’m gonna move back home for a while,” Ian said. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He opened them again, looking more certain. “I’m moving back home.”

“Okay,” Mickey said. He leaned forward and kissed Ian softly on the cheek. “I’ll go back to my place?” He meant to phrase it as a statement, but it came out a question. But maybe that was a good thing, another opportunity for Ian to assert himself, be direct about what he needed.

“Yeah,” Ian said. Using the hand behind Mickey’s head to pull him into a kiss. “I’m gonna,” he paused, swallowed. Mickey squeezed his wrist, trying to ground himself and encourage Ian to keep going. “I’m gonna do this on my own.”

Mickey knew what ‘this’ was without asking. It hurt, a lot, which he expected. But he also understood. He nodded. They kissed again and it was different. They’d never said goodbye this way before. Mickey realized when he tasted it that he was crying, and maybe Ian was, too. But they didn’t stop. Their hands roamed, both of them trying to memorize skin, bones, places they thought they’d never have to leave. 

Later, they stood on the back porch, Mickey already down a step or two. Ian had his hands in his hoodie’s pockets. Mickey was gripping the railing like it was the only thing keeping him upright. It wasn’t quite dark out, it was staying lighter longer. It made Ian a little blurry, the shine in his eyes more obvious. Mickey knew that must mean that the same was true for him.

There were a lot of questions Mickey wanted to ask, but he kept them to himself. They’d said goodbye properly, for the first time. That would have to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Could be an unpopular opinion, but if Ian and Mickey were real people in real life, and I knew them, I'd probably tell them to break up for a little while. But just for a little while. 
> 
> Title is from the devastatingly beautiful "You're Not Good Enough" by Blood Orange. But don't fret. I was actually inspired to sit down and write by the Matoma remix of "Old Thing Back" by Biggie Smalls. So, ya know, might be a reunion companion someday.


End file.
